six months since april, and i'm doing better

#15: libra season (2024)

Oct 21, 2024

Hi! Thanks for being here. What a heavy month. I’ve been just floating through it, as a lot of people I know have. An abundance of schedule shifts, life shifts, and vibe shifts for me on top of it all. Maybe I was actually doing better in April? Anyway, somehow Scorpio season starts tomorrow.

Here’s a collection of takeaways and faves from Libra season this past month (Sep 22nd - Oct 22nd). You can find an overview of Scorpio season’s upcoming astrology at the end of this newsletter. If you haven’t subscribed or would like to upgrade your subscription, you can do so below.

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please please please

The people pleasing started young. From at least as far back as middle school, I can remember usually just liking what others liked, doing whatever others wanted to do, and giving people what they wanted from me. My interests and opinions were generally those of whomever I was with at the time. This was especially true with my family, but also with my friends who, unlike my family, probably actually wanted to get to know me. I didn’t want to experience any judgement or rejection, and I didn’t want to upset or disappoint anyone. I shapeshifted and appeased my way out of a lot of that friction and discomfort, and I would eventually learn it was to my own detriment.

I’m an eldest daughter, and I believe many of the characteristics of that familial role and the expectations placed upon her apply to me. People-pleasing behaviors are commonly associated with how someone can embody that role. Looking back, I can see the ways those tendencies played out with my family: having difficulty saying no, being overly apologetic, and putting their needs first, among others. I now also recognize that they’d prefer I hadn’t put in all the work to break out of those patterns.

This is on my mind because of Libra season, the sign that’s most often stereotyped as being people pleasers. So much of what I saw the past few weeks in regards to astrological transits — especially the new moon & solar eclipse in Libra at the beginning of the month — had to do with people pleasing. Specifically, how it was a good time to let go of those behaviors. I have four Libra placements and I see my Libra stellium as something that influences how and where they show up for me.

Content about people pleasing is all over therapy instagram too. I’m not going to defend it or the ways it can negatively impact one’s relationship to self and others. But! I do think there might be a connection between messages about people pleasing and this trend toward individualism and isolation that has seemed even more present the past several years. I’m sure others have pointed this out too. “Don’t ask your friends to help you move or pick you up from the airport,” “don’t trauma dump on your friends” — these sound like the inverse of things like “let go of people who ask too much of you” and “cut out people who drain your energy,” two common tips for how to stop people pleasing.

There is certainly a middle path between over-extending yourself, deprioritizing your needs, making yourself small, etc, and cutting out people who no longer serve you when they start to exhibit any “toxic” behavior (like possibly having boundaries and expectations of their own). I overthink it a lot though, wondering if choosing to do something means I’m fawning or choosing not to do something makes me nonconfrontational. I’m literally questioning a decision of mine today about a situation in my AA home group. It quickly starts to feel like people pleasing is yet another thing I need to heal from, just one more thing about me that’s broken and needs to be fixed.

Something I’ve been reflecting on this past month is that I don’t know if I always need to be on a healing journey or whatever, and maybe healing includes periods of time when you’re generally healed enough. Maybe all of the work I’m doing daily and weekly is helping me handle my days and weeks well enough; maybe the baseline that I’ve raised and raised is high enough for now. When it feels like there’s always more self-work to be done, that can overshadow the work that has been done and all the progress that’s been made. When you’re always moving the goalposts, you might lose sight of the fact that you’ve already scored many times over.

Do I want anyone to be mad at me? No! Does the fact that some people misunderstood my intentions or took things in bad faith — or might even be reading this newsletter in bad faith — keep me up at night? Yes, often! It is still uncomfortable to know I’ve upset people, and even more so if I can’t try to repair with someone.

These days I can bear these things though, these miscommunications and misreads and messes. I’m able to practice acceptance, to advocate for myself and set boundaries. I can choose to disappoint people if the alternative is self-neglect or self-betrayal. That’s what growth has looked like here. It’s all a work in progress and I could definitely be better at it, sure, but I still have plenty to be proud of. I’m sure you do too.

Now, a recent development: I seem to no longer be in a femme4femme era. Topping nonbinary folks, call that people pleasing.

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october sky

It’s been an eventful month in the night sky too! Here’s a pic of the aurora and a few of the comet — two things I’ve always wanted to see. This most recent aurora occurrence was actually faintly visible to the naked eye down here, which wasn’t the case for me when it happened earlier this year. The comet was too, and those pics are from different nights as she moved further away from us and appeared higher and fainter in the sky. I took them in a cemetery where I saw a ghost a couple of years ago (fork found in kitchen, I know). No ghost sightings on these recent visits unforch.

Venus in the lower left section of the sky

faves ♡

🎵 “Old Ways” - Chloe George

What did she put in this EP! I’ve been obsessed since I came across it a month ago. This song is my fav but I love listening to the whole thing on repeat. “I can worry can you tell” - relatable. Highly recommend “Runaway Blue” off her last album as well.

🎶 “I already dug your grave” - Alemeda

Aside from the Brat remix album, you’d think I just had my heart broken by what I’ve been listening to lately. Here’s another EP I’m a big fan of, full of some great, catchy breakup bops. I liked this album review of it as well.

📘 Intermezzo

I liked it! I have critiques and it isn’t my fav novel of hers overall, but I enjoyed reading it and took a bunch of screenshots of passages throughout. Props to her, too, for writing a book mostly from the perspectives of two heterosexual men that a misandrist lesbian like myself couldn’t put down.

I liked the parts where the unionized girlfriends had conversations :)

🎞️ The Outrun

I liked this too! Of course I was going to watch a movie about alcoholism starring Saoirse Ronan. Her performance was great and I liked the fractured narrative, unlike others whose reviews I read. A lot of the memoir author’s experience resonated with mine. That seemed to be even more the case for a writer I’ve been following for a while, who writes about recovery in ways I hope to be able to. Also, I think this movie had one of the better media portrayals of a recovery meeting that I’ve seen. They didn’t show anyone sharing in that little cottage meeting, but it’s like yeah, people are just vibing and they usually start with the preamble. Too many movies and shows over-dramatize them and rely on cliches, when they’re much chiller and less monologue-y than what’s often depicted. Ideally anyway!

🍹 Panera pomegranate hibiscus iced tea

My sponsor recently had to break up with me, so I’m adjusting to not having our weekly meetups at Panera anymore. I’d been getting this tea since they started offering it in early summer and it’s very good! It’s caffeine-free and unsweetened, so I’d recommend adding some simple syrup because who doesn’t want things a little sweeter? The only reason we were going to Panera in the first place was because it was the only good option halfway between where I live and where she moved to, but I will honestly probably go get this tea at the one nearby occasionally. What a place! Where else can you see an elderly couple praying together over their bread bowls of broccoli cheddar soup?