#1: leo season (2023)

my month of rest & relaxation

Aug 23, 2023

picked with an ex from her new sweetie’s garden

Hi, thanks for being here! It’s the first day of Virgo season and the sun has started setting before 8 pm where I live. Here’s a collection of takeaways and faves from Leo season this past month. You can find an overview of Virgo season’s astrology at the end of this newsletter. This is my first astro season post so we’ll see what sticks.

A couple of weeks ago, I got little dots tattooed above the nail beds on all of my fingers. It felt very fitting for Leo season to adorn my hands in this way, and to make my hands look even hotter — important for a dyke. Less than twenty minutes later, I spilled gasoline on one of the dots. After driving home panicking for fifteen minutes because I had nothing to wash the gas off with, I called poison control and the woman reassured me that the gas was not in my bloodstream and I was fine now that I had washed it off. You can definitely tell which dot I spilled gas on (left thumb, see above) because it looks blown out and is probably three times bigger than the others. Or three times less small. Don’t spill gas on your brand new tattoos — it is not good for them!

Side note: the woman I spoke to with poison control was very nice and not judgmental at all, unlike some of the friends who I told that I called poison control. She said it was good that I called, and they want people to call them. So now you know. The number is 1-800-222-1222 and they pick up right away!

rot girl summer ♡

I took a month and a half off of work this summer to recover from a medical thing (I’m fine!). Pain, limited mobility, and activity restrictions made for a very unpleasant period of time that couldn’t pass quickly enough. Without work or as much human contact I felt untethered, unhinged, undesired — generally unwell. I lost my mind a little! Too much time in my house alone!

There’s a level of spiraling that can only really be reached in something like medical recovery, when you’ve spent so long in bed and out of your routine that you’re worried about blood clots and being forgotten by all of your friends. (I have journal entries about loneliness and articles about deep vein thrombosis in my browser history to prove it.) I feel less like a shell of a woman now that I’m on the other side and reentering society. But when there’s nothing to distract you from the Dread, it’s hard to remind yourself that it’s just temporary, your life has meaning and inherent worth, you shouldn’t relapse on cheap bottles of wine from Gopuff, and you’re still cute. Having depression and being limited in the ways you can manage it definitely makes all of this hit harder.

I had to give myself permission to be deeply unproductive, and to keep reminding myself that was ok. And I was deeply unproductive. My average day early on: wake up late and shower, lay in bed and wallow, move to the couch and yearn sapphicly, hang out with a friend who stopped by, log into a virtual AA meeting and half-listen while scrolling through Instagram, fall asleep feeling grateful to be one day Closer to Fine. And I am so, SO grateful for the support I had from friends and community that allowed my days to look like this so I could rest! And at the same time, it was really rough!! I told a friend I felt upset by the fact that I would have nothing to show for the time off, and they said “Umm you’ll be healed?" And they are correct. Sometimes rest is the most productive thing etc. etc.

I didn’t go into the time planning on picking up a hobby or starting a project. The hobby most of my friends recommended was crocheting, but I don’t want to learn to crochet. I can knit slowly and poorly and that feels like enough fiberworks for me. Plus, recovery like this doesn’t leave you with any mental capacity for hobbies, new or old. I didn’t even feel like watching anything for the first week and I couldn’t focus enough on reading anything besides tweets for the first two.

Something that did come out of the recovery time though was starting to write again. For the first time in years, I started journaling in longer form than just notes in my bullet journal, and that opened the door to writing more specific reflections. This coincided with attempts at social media breaks (emphasis on attempts), and subscribing to lots of substacks so I could still consume content and hear opinions from people besides just my friends (though I do think more of my friends should have substacks). I found myself with several new google docs full of writing and the same old desire to overshare with anyone who wants to listen. So here we are — thanks for being here!

Another reason this past month has felt intense is the Venus retrograde in Leo, the sign my Venus placement is in. The themes of reflecting, reevaluating, and restarting around my love life have hit extra hard because I’ve been taking a dating break, so this time feels like an even bigger reset than it might’ve otherwise. The dating break is partly due to being physically out of commission, so I’m having a period of imposed reflection time, as a friend put it. It’s also partly because I have had! enough! breakups! in my humble two and a half years of sobriety. The good news is that I’m friends with most of my exes. So grateful for the band MUNA and their excellent breakup bangers & bops for getting me through. I plan to write more about breakups in sobriety and sober sex & dating, so stay tuned if you’re curious <3

faves ♡

🎥 the Barbie movie

Hi Barbie! Movie of the year. I wore matching pink shirts with friends and it was my first big outing after the medical thing so it felt extra special. I have heard and read pretty much every possible take on the movie and I don’t have anything to add. I agree with the correct opinions of it.

📺 Women’s world cup

I’m not much of a sports girlie, but soccer is fun to watch. (And to play! I only played a little bit when I was younger, but I spent most of one high school summer in my parent’s driveway getting pretty good at soccer ball tricks. I’m convinced I could still do that trick where you step over the ball and kick it up over your head from behind you.) The upside to almost all of the games happening overnight on the east coast is that I could wake up, check the scores, and decide whether to watch a full game or just the recap. I did wake up in the middle of the night to watch the US team lose though. I feel emotional about the fact that Megan Rapinoe’s last shot in an international game was a missed penalty kick. I was also rooting for Australia because they had the most (out) gays out of all the teams. That goal from Sam Kerr! Incredible. Women’s soccer is so gay and more sports should be!

📗 Bellies – Nicola Dinan

Queer / trans lit fic is my fav genre of books, and I was excited to read this new novel about a relationship between a gay man and a trans woman as she starts her transition. I liked that the story switches between their two perspectives, and the impact that Ming’s transition had on her, her relationship with Tom, and their friend group felt complex and moving. Who knows when stories about girls fumbling their way through their 20s will stop resonating so much for me. (Shoutout to my early summer Girls rewatch.)

📘 Tweakerworld – Jason Yamas

I read several addicts’ memoirs in early early recovery and while they were pretty triggering to me in my fragile state, they helped remind me I’m not the only person who struggles with substance abuse and there are ways to get through. As the author gets deeper into dealing and also addiction, his story escalates in a way that really sucked me in. It was a stressful read, especially as the book built up to the inevitable crash and come down. I flew through the second half of the e-book in one afternoon, and my thumb was sore from all that page swiping.

🎶 The Leith Ross song above, and the rest of their album honestly! I almost sent “(You) On My Arm” to the girl I was seeing at the beginning of the year because it made me think of her. It’s so sweet and sapphic, and it came out right before valentine’s day. I chose not to but I kind of regret that now. Anyway, Leith Ross!

🎵 “Red Wine Supernova” - Chappell Roan

It’s fun, it’s catchy, I like her energy, and the sex toys line is clever and plays on a loop in my head sometimes. I think Chappell Roan’s music is kind of giving baby gay, but maybe it just seems that way because I’m a queer elder (turning 30 next month).

🍬 The candy of the summer for me was Arizona fruit snacks. Before that, it was fave reds mini starbursts, but unfortunately they pulled at least one sealant out of my molars (apologies to the local dental school students who put them in last year). So I switched to fruit snacks, which are much less sticky. Take care of your teeth! And your tattoos! Also, it’s worth looking to see if there’s a dental school in your area that does free or cheap teeth work. I’d recommend that and the fruit snacks.

🍹 The best summer seltzers are Waterloo’s watermelon and Mountain Valley’s white peach. They’re both so refreshing and seasonal! That peach flavor comes in a big green glass bottle, which is great because you get to carry it around and show off that you’re staying sooo hydrated.

Virgo season astrology: Aug 23rd – Sept 23rd 🌠

Aug 23rd – Virgo season starts ♍ 5:02 am (EDT)

Aug 23rd – Mercury retrograde ↩️ 3:59 pm

Aug 27th – Mars → Libra ♎ 9:20 am

Aug 30th – Full moon in Pisces 🌝 9:35 pm

Sept 3rd – Venus direct ➡️ 9:20 pm

Sept 6th – Mercury cazimi (conjunction with the Sun) in Virgo 🌞 7:08 am

Sept 14th – New moon in Virgo 🌚 9:39 pm

Sept 15th – Mercury direct ➡️ 4:21 pm

Sept 23rd – Fall equinox & Libra season starts 🍂 2:50 am

Okay yay, thanks for reading, and happy Virgo season! Hang in there through these retrogrades and get a little more sun while the getting’s good. See you next month maybe?