side effects of stopping wellbutrin ranked

not doing so ~well~

What better way to start the new year than by stopping a medication that’s been helping me. Don’t worry, my psychiatrist approves of this — it was actually her idea for me to fuck around and find out. So far, it’s been a difficult week full of weird and unexpected side effects. Some are worse than others, so I figured I’d rank them.

I had just enough left to make a lil heart <3

13. migraine

(Yes, there’s thirteen of these lol it’s been a fun week.) Ranking this one lowest because I’m such a baby about headaches and migraines. Last year, I had a migraine that lasted all of May and into June. It was really rough and I mentioned it in probably every conversation. Being a headache girlie became part of my personality. I went to the doctor twice about it and she gave me a shot in the butt and a couple meds to try. The shot didn’t help but one of the meds did, although the migraine would still break through. It went on for so long that my doctor wanted to schedule an MRI to make sure there wasn’t something going on to really worry about. And then one day I didn’t have my usual afternoon Diet Coke, and my head felt completely fine. I thought it might’ve just been a coincidence, but when I drank one the next day and the migraine came back, I cried a little inside about what that meant. I had only started having them every day in late April so it made sense because I hadn’t made any other med or lifestyle changes. It was a real bummer to have to give up Diet Coke (and maybe diet sodas generally? The threat of a migraine has put me off of testing this out). Anyway, my head currently feels like I’m back on my Diet Coke bullshit but sadly, I am not.

12. anxiety

Great! The very thing I’m trying to see if I have less of by stopping Wellbutrin. Love it here. My anxiety is what prompted my psychiatrist to suggest stopping the med. It got worse last summer after being fairly well controlled for a while, so she wanted to lower my Wellbutrin dose to see if that helped bring down my anxiety level at all. It did, and now we’re wondering what happens if we stop it altogether. So far, I’m not liking what happens.

11. irritability

It’s that same kind of PMS irritability I get where the anger is just buzzing around my body, waiting for something to direct itself at. The kind where I wake up feeling pissy, already arguing with someone in my head. I drove over to a friend’s place and swore at so many of the other drivers and at myself too, which was very out of character for me. I had to stop myself from throwing the sponge after a bowl I was washing slipped out of my hand into the sink. There’s just this base level of agitation I’m experiencing and I am not enjoying being set off by the smallest things at the moment.

10. brain fog

This is the side effect I’ve probably experienced most often when starting and stopping meds. I feel like everything is hazy and my mind feels sluggish. I haven’t been able to concentrate and stay focused on things I’ve tried to read. I’m feeling somewhat dissociated too, like there’s some distance between me and my life. It’s hard to think, and oh my god it’s hard to count. The other day, I got a head start on some tax stuff — it’s Capricorn season, baby! — and I kept losing count and having to start over when I was trying to tally up some things in a spreadsheet. On top of that, I’m a spreadsheet queen and I didn’t even remember that I could make the spreadsheet count for me until now, as I’m writing this days later. Also, in the span of a few hours I lost something important in my apartment that I needed for a medical test, and I still haven’t found it days later. So that’s how well my brain is currently functioning. I’m sure it doesn’t come as a surprise to hear that I am really struggling to write, as well.

9. low mood

Depression? For winter? Groundbreaking. Rebound depression and number 7 are the only two withdrawal effects my psychiatrist told me to look out for. For this, she said that I might notice my mood is lower for a little while and that’s to be expected, but if it gets really low or stays down for a while then I might want to start taking the med again. Now, my mood scale is a bit disordered given that I have a mood disorder. I’ve found that I need to take medications to feel only as good as some not-depressed people feel on a bad day. How low is too low? How long of a period of low mood is too long? I’m being asked to wait out the adjustment and then wait to see how I do without Wellbutrin, and determine from there whether I want to stay off of it or go back on. It’s hard to just wait and notice and wait more and notice more, especially when what I’m waiting for is to notice that my mood is stable and good. I’m hoping I’ll get there, and I’m trying to remember that I can always simply start taking the med again. In the meantime I’ll just be laying here, feeling disinterested in the things that usually bring me joy and crying about people I haven’t cried about in months. It’s fine, I’m fine!

8. mood swings

An accurate depiction of this past week:

7. fatigue / sleepiness (daytime)

This past week, my Instagram feed has entirely been people reminding each other and themselves that January is not the time to start over, not the time for resolutions. It’s true that January is a time for hibernation, for rest and recuperation, and for waiting out the winter — for all of y’all maybe, but not for me. I’ve got shit to do! I’m busy and only getting busier! No, this isn’t something to be proud of — it’s just how my life is, especially after starting a third job yesterday! So it’s been very inconvenient beginning the new year with limited energy and capacity. I do love a nap though, so having an excuse to nap more this past week has been nice at least.

6. cravings

I was telling a friend about how much I want a cigarette, and he mentioned the fact that Wellbutrin is also prescribed to help people quit smoking. I’ve decided without looking into it that this is why I want to start smoking again so badly. And it’s smoking, specifically — I’m not really craving alcohol or any drugs right now. I’m thinking about how many in/out lists (not including my own) said vapes are out and cigarettes are in. I agree, and I should probably go get a pack, right?

5. emotional numbness

Feeling is overrated! I’m doing fine without it.

4. hunger

I feel like the very hungry caterpillar. I’m listening to my body, and some days my body has been wanting an entire box of fruit snacks or a whole bar of dark chocolate with almonds. It’s also sometimes wanted dairy-free yogurt and apples and eggs with lots of spinach over this past week. My food cravings have been all over the place and they vary day to day. Today I’m craving The Stew, and also plain potato chips, and also raspberries? I don’t even like berries and I specifically want raspberries.

3. thirst

This one’s not so bad! I don’t understand why it’s happening, but I don’t mind it. I’ve mostly been drinking seltzers — Target brand tropical cherry, currently — and more of them than usual, but even plain water hits different rn. I’m usually pretty hydrated but I feel moist and, like, juicy. It’s nice honestly. Maybe I should be watermaxxing all the time.

2. horniness

Okay, here’s a positive side effect. I don’t understand why this one is happening either — for me, Wellbutrin wasn’t a med that caused a drop in my libido like a lot of depression meds do for folks. In reflecting back after writing that sentence though: it’s possible that it actually did and I just didn’t notice? Days after I started Wellbutrin nearly two years ago, I almost relapsed. Or rather, I did something I knew I could get away with. I called the sponsor I had at the time to tell on myself as soon as I got home, and I justified it as harm reduction because at least I didn’t drink. They were rightfully concerned and told me we wouldn’t count it as a relapse but it certainly wasn’t sober behavior. There were a lot of factors to my near-relapse, and how I was feeling after starting Wellbutrin was one of them for sure. The day after that happened, my sponsor and I met up and they told me some things I should do to focus back in on my recovery. One of those suggestions was a dating break, which I did start that day: Valentine’s Day. So: there may have actually been an impact on my libido that I wouldn’t have really noticed because I was taking some time away from the apps to focus on myself. It’s a shame that my current mood and energy levels are too low for me to feel motivated to have someone new over.

1. sleepiness (nighttime)

Here we are at the top side effect I’ve noticed: being able to sleep through the night. Don’t get me wrong — I’m a better sleeper than many, and I don’t take that for granted. But this past week I haven’t been waking up several times throughout the night like I usually do, and I am living for that. My dreams have been pleasant too! I was extra sad to wake up from the one where someone gave me a check for $55K. I waited a whole month from when my psychiatrist suggested trying to go off Wellbutrin because I had a booked and busy December that I wanted to be able to tackle without issue. There have been plenty of negative side effects from going off of it, but at least I’m getting off more and sleeping better after.