Hi, I’m glad you’re here. This is a link-filled post with blurbs about my favorite things that I wrote and read this year. But first, I have a little bit of drama to share.
If you haven’t subscribed yet and would like to, here’s the link. The artwork is Mary Cassatt’s Woman Reading (1878-1879).
oops!
In my recent newsletter about Sagittarius season, I shared a story about someone new whom a friend of mine is dating. Or rather, I talked a little shit about them. Here’s what I wrote:
A Libra moon story: This person who a friend of mine started dating this year was insistent on adding buffers of space — minimal texting, only seeing my friend so often — when the two of them first started seeing each other. They said they just wanted to date casually and not get too attached to anyone. But after the two of them had been dating for a short time, all of that seemed to go out the window and they starting making some big statements and grand gestures. They wanted more commitment and a more serious connection, and they expressed some hurt feelings when my friend wasn’t already at that level with them. I found out the other day that they’re a Libra moon and it all made more sense. I’m not saying that’s something you’ll catch me out here doing, but I feel like I can understand where part of that comes from.
The context is that I felt like I could relate to their actions in a way because I think my Libra moon contributes to this desire I have to be close and connected with people, even if I think or say that’s not what I want. I was trying to convey my belief that having a Libra moon can mean you can’t help being a bit of a romantic, with the requisite desires and behaviors, whether you want to be or not.
About half an hour after publishing that newsletter, I got this text from the friend I had initially gossiped about this person with:
“Lol they’re not a Libra moon, they are a Libra sun and Venus”
I think I literally facepalmed, then I texted the friend who’s dating this Libra to say I wrote anonymously about the person she’s dating in my latest piece and found out after hitting send that I misremembered where exactly they had their other Libra placement. She laughed about it and commented in a voice note, and I decided I would just leave the post as is. It still felt true even if it wasn’t entirely accurate.
A few days later, I was at her place when she told me she showed my piece to the Libra. Now, a relevant, fun fact is that she’s also an ex. So when she told me she showed the new person she’s dating this part of my newsletter where I talked a little bit of shit about them, I felt so embarrassed and sensitive about it. If I had known they would be shown the piece, I would’ve cut the part about them — especially after I found out about my mistake — because of how that makes me look as an ex of the woman they’re dating.
As I wrote in a close friends story:
an anonymish girlblog is all fun and games until your ex shows her new sweetie the part of your newsletter where you talk a little bit of shit about them, but you didn’t even have your facts straight and now you just look jealous as hell or, at the very least, mean and gossipy
What would you think if you found out one of your sweetie’s exes devoted some space in her newsletter to lightly shit-talking you? Like, jealous much??
Thankfully, neither my friend nor the Libra really read it that way, and that paragraph also didn’t come off as mean to either of them. And even better, they both also think I was right despite my mix-up. Hearing that I’m right was exactly the reassurance I needed — and honestly, what I wrote is even more true of a Libra Venus than a Libra moon, IMO.
One lesson from this is to maybe assume your writing will be read by someone you’re worried about reading it, and write accordingly. I’ve been writing with a bit of abandon because this is a small, relatively-anonymous project, and this was the first time I’ve knowingly run into this problem. Now I’m wondering what else may have been shown to whom!
I want to say another lesson I’ve learned is to be sure to check your facts before publishing something, and I do think I will be more careful about that in the future. Unfortunately, I think the bigger takeaway for me is that it’s more important to be judgmentally right than factually correct. Even if you look gossipy and jealous, you can’t be fully written off if someone feels a little called out. ;)
what i wrote!
If you’re reading this, you’re engaging with one of the things from this past year that I’m most proud of myself for. I started this writing project in August, and I can’t believe it’s only been a little over four months! I can’t promise any particular frequency of posts going forward, but I’ve shared seventeen pieces in that time. Close to one each week — pretty solid, if you ask me. Especially considering I haven’t written in years. That’s something that has made me feel a lot of insecurity in my writing because I feel so far behind friends and other folks on this platform when it comes to writing quality, creativity, and emotionality. In spite of that, here are the three most viewed newsletters from this year (which also happen to be my three fav pieces I’ve written so far).
- An essay inspired by the new boygenius EP, the rest:
- A piece made up of moments shared with people from my past and present sex & love life this fall. It’s paywalled with a brief preview:
- An essay about all of the ghosts I’ve seen:
I have a few pieces — 10 in my drafts! — I’m working on now that I’m excited to send out to you in the new year. Sharing my writing with folks who might be into it is very appreciated!
what i read!
Of the twenty-six books I read this year — mostly newer, contemporary fiction — here are the ones I gave 5 and 4.5 stars with a blurb from their description:
🩷 5 stars
All This Could Be Different - Sarah Thankam Mathews
“From a brilliant new voice comes an electrifying novel of a young immigrant building a life for herself — a warm, dazzling, and profound saga of queer love, friendship, work, and precarity in twenty-first century America.”
The Rachel Incident - Caroline O’Donoghue
“A brilliantly funny novel about friends, lovers, Ireland in chaos, and a young woman desperately trying to manage all three.”
Big Swiss - Jen Beagin
“‘One of the funniest books of the last few years’ (Los Angeles Times) about a sex therapist's transcriptionist and her affair with one of the patients.”
I Have Some Questions for You - Rebecca Makkai
“A stirring investigation into collective memory and a deeply felt examination of one woman's reckoning with her past, with a transfixing mystery at its heart.”
🩷 4.5 stars
A Haunting on the Hill - Elizabeth Hand
“The first-ever novel authorized to return to the world of Shirley Jackson's The Haunting of Hill House — a ‘scary and beautifully written’ (Neil Gaiman) new story of isolation and longing perfect for our present time.”
People Collide - Isle McElroy
“From the acclaimed author of The Atmospherians, a gender-bending, body-switching novel that explores marriage, identity, and sex, and raises profound questions about the nature of true partnership.”
The Happy Couple - Naoise Dolan (wrote about this book in my scorpio season post)
“An intimate, sharply funny novel about a couple heading toward their wedding, and the three friends who may draw them apart.”
Bellies - Nicola Dinan (wrote about this book in my leo season post)
“An unforgettable story of youth, intimacy, hunger and heartbreak, at once boldly original yet fiercely familiar, which unabashedly holds a mirror up to our most vulnerable selves and desires.”
(The reason a third of the books I read this year are ranked this highly for me is because I am a DNF Diva — if I’m not into a book then I put it down, regardless of if I’m on page 2 or 200. My average rating is 4.1 stars apparently, and the lowest ranking I’ve given is 3 stars because books I would’ve rated lower are books I haven’t finished. thank u, next!)
Thank you for subscribing and for being here! It means so, so much and I’m grateful that you take the time to read my work (and I’m especially grateful when you like it and share it :) ). This is my last post for this year, and my next is a paid post coming your way early in the new year. I hope you have a gentle end to this year and a warm start to the new one.