Hi! Thanks for being here. Tomorrow is the first day of Pisces season, Lorde help us. Here’s a collection of takeaways and faves from Aquarius season this past month. You can find an overview of Pisces season’s upcoming astrology at the end of this newsletter. If you’d like to support my writing, you can subscribe, like, share, etc via the cute pink buttons throughout the piece.
unavoidable
I spent the first week of Aquarius season trying to be avoidantly attached for a piece I wanted to write. Check it out! It gave me a good opportunity to reflect on attachment-related challenges I’ve experienced with friends and people I’ve dated in the past, and it was really enlightening to talk with folks who have more of an avoidant attachment disposition in preparing for the week.
That conversation has been ongoing with one of these friends. It was interesting to hear their thoughts after reading my essay, and they shared some places where my explanation of how I was approaching an interaction differently feels true for them and where their experience differs. We’ve been updating each other as they’ve been trying to keep their avoidant attachment in check with someone new and I’ve been trying to do the same for my anxious attachment tendencies. They told me they’re doing a lot of heavy lifting in their brain, but the result of all that is just something small, like sending a text asking if this person wants to go see a movie together. All of my heavy lifting, in comparison, results in nothing — not sending texts I want to send and not saying some of the sapphic shit I’ve wanted to say recently. We’re Doing the Work, and we have our work cut out for us.
I’ll pull two things out of the essay that I’d like to share here. First, a call to action:
I think those with avoidant attachment tendencies should also be working to develop secure attachment. The onus seems to be placed on people with anxious attachment to make relationships more tolerable for our avoidant friends and partners. It hurts, though, to be pushed away by someone you care about; it feels personal when someone you love wants more space from you; and it’s upsetting to be written off as needy and demanding simply for having more of a desire for intimacy, consistency, and reassurance.
Also, some reflections:
Relationship advice for the anxiously attached, even if it’s well-meaning, still often comes off as You should’ve known better than to stay with them — or worse: You shouldn’t have pushed them away. It can be hard to see an attachment pattern until after a connection has ended though. Regardless, I’m learning that many avoidantly-attached people are also trying to do the difficult work of being in relationship with others, just like I am. How they show up and what they struggle with, however, looks different than how and what I do. I want — or I’m choosing — to believe people can be worth the patience and work, despite any attachment insecurity they might have. I hope people believe the same of me.
darling valentine
Aquarius season is the yearly backdrop for Valentine’s Day, and honestly the vibes are off. The holiday would fit so much better in Libra or Taurus season — the Venus, planet of love-ruled signs — or even in Leo season. I know the date goes way back and it’s loosely connected to the timing of some festival or another, but I just think the scheduling could’ve been better is all.
I was intent on having a better Valentine’s Day this year. Last year, I had a sweet evening with the woman I was dating but the night ended on a different note than that for me. The year before that, it was the day I started a dating break and made some other changes to focus back in on my recovery at my sponsor’s suggestion, after I had almost relapsed the night before (oops). And the year before that, I was still reeling from ending a long-term, toxic relationship a few weeks before, so I was alone and lonely and in my feelings. Not a good track record.
So this time around I put no expectations on the day, which is what I should have been doing all along. It’s what most queer people do, I feel like, because the holiday is made up, capitalist, etc etc. Consumerism kind of went off with Valentine’s Day though. I like heart-shaped treats and hearts all over everything, and I like seeing red and pink everywhere; I’m sure this isn’t surprising given the name of my newsletter 🩷 But more than that, I love love! It’s worth celebrating in all its forms, and it’s cute that there’s a little holiday for it.
This year I sent valentines cards to a bunch of my long-distance friends and exes. I thought it would be sweet to send little notes out to let folks know I was thinking of them, without the expectation of a response. It’s been nice to hear back though and I’m very happy it’s made some friends happy! 10/10, would recommend sending cute cards out to your friends.
I’ve been listening to Snail Mail’s lesbian heartbreak album, Valentine, a lot lately (because it’s seasonally relevant, not because it’s emotionally relevant right now). This was sparked by a line from the title track coming to mind recently: “You’ll always know where to find me / when you change your mind.” I’m always telling sex partners who are on their way out of my life that I’m around, and I was texting this to yet another person when I heard that chorus line in my head. I’ve wondered what it says about me that I’m so available, that I’m always saying feel free to reach back out. Probably only good, alluring things. I hadn’t even explicitly said that to an ex of mine who reached back out last month, but I’m glad she did anyway. I debated how to write this, and whether to at all: if you, dear reader, are someone who happens to be wondering if the door is still open with me, know that it most likely still is. And if you happen to reach back out because of this, please let me know it was (at least partly) because of my blog! Lol but I’m not joking!
One more Valentines-related thought: I identified as solo poly for the past couple of years, as in having or being open to more than one intimate relationship while maintaining an independent lifestyle; as in I am my own primary partner. Now, I just say I’m poly on the apps because I’m kind of over the solo part. I came across this piece with a quote that spoke to something I struggled with in that flavor of polyamory though, in the New York Times of all places.
I have fucked around, and I have found this out.
faves ♡
🎵 “why dont we go” - UMI
I like UMI’s new EP a lot — it’s sweet, warm, and vibey, and it feels lighter than her most recent album. More of an afternoon listen than an evening one, like I think that album is. Both are worth listening to!
🎶 “What’s Love” - Empress Of & MUNA
Empress Of and MUNA? Instant fav. I do think this bop could’ve bopped a little harder. But still, the number of times I played this song over the past month warranted including it here.
📗 Martyr! - Kaveh Akbar
This book blew me away. Coming across this review was what sold me on picking up a copy. I was genuinely hooked from the first sentence:
Maybe it was that Cyrus had done the wrong drugs in the right order, or the right drugs in the wrong order, but when God finally spoke back to him after twenty-seven years of silence, what Cyrus wanted more than anything else was a do-over.
I really liked this novel’s portrayal of addiction, as well as Cyrus’s writing about himself as an addict within the novel. I think I only want to read alcoholics written by alcoholics from here on out. I related to Cyrus so much — he felt like a past version of me in a lot of ways. This book had me going back to reread parts of it before I had even finished, that’s how much I was enjoying it and how much I think it’s worth a reread, or at least a closer read. I will be rereading, and closer too.
📘 Yellowface - R.F. Kuang
Another book with a yellow cover that I would recommend. I devoured this fast-paced novel in an evening after my cousin recommended it. The drama! The scandal! I couldn’t look away. In addition to being a satire of racism and representation in the publishing industry, it also serves as a record of how the platform formerly known as Twitter used to function. It’s wild (but not surprising) how quickly Twitter started to fall apart after Elon Musk took over, and how it just straight-up sucks to be on now. Even though the novel is critiquing the ways the app could be at its worst, I still felt like I missed the Twitter that existed in the book a little.
📝 In the same world - arbiter of distaste
Something else I read and loved was this Valentine’s essay by my friend, Evana. As I said in a text to her after reading it, I’ve always really liked her writing about relationships and desire. The quotes she includes add a lot of depth to the piece, and among other things I definitely related to having felt the highs and lows of elementary school valentines exchanges. I am also someone for whom the yearning started young. A quote that especially stood out:
I would like to think I needed to be this person first—mostly fully formed but not quite completely, I’m still working on that—before we met. My heart needed to harden from others’ carelessness and soften from my own cautious optimism along the way.
There’s a romanticism to the idea of meeting someone when you’re meant to and as the people you’re meant to meet as. It’s something I believe in too. And reading about her cautious optimism is a helpful reminder that it’s possible to move through hurt in an open-hearted way.
🎭 Hadestown
Way down under the ground. I saw this musical with some friends recently and we had a good time! I like musicals an average amount, but I don’t think I’ve seen one live since Fun Home years and years ago. I went into this one only knowing about the Greek myths and without having heard the music because I wanted to experience it for the first time there. I love Anaïs Mitchell’s music though so I figured I’d like the songs in the musical, and I did. My fav was probably “All I’ve Ever Known.” When Orpheus — Greek myth spoiler alert — turned back to see if Eurydice was still behind him (thus sending her back to the underworld forever), someone near us said “Ahh, he fucked up.” The laughs that comment got kind of ruined the emotional moment, but otherwise I had a good time. Maybe I’m just built different, but if I were leading my lover out of the underworld, I wouldn’t turn around before we’d made it out.
Pisces season astrology: Feb 18th - Mar 19th 🌠
Feb 18th - Pisces season starts 🐟 11:13 pm eastern
Feb 23rd - Mercury → Pisces ♓ 2:29 am
Feb 24th - Full moon in Virgo 🌝 7:30 am
Feb 28th - Mercury cazimi (conjunction with the sun) in Pisces ☀️ 3:42 am
Feb 28th - Saturn cazimi in Pisces ☀️ 4:25 pm
Mar 9th - Mercury → Aries ♈ 11:03 pm
Mar 10th - Daylight saving time starts 🕒 2 am
Mar 10th - New moon in Pisces 🌚 5 am
Mar 11th - Venus → Pisces ♓ 5:51 pm
Mar 17th - Neptune cazimi in Pisces ☀️ 7:22 am
Mar 19th - Spring equinox & Aries season starts 🌷 11:07 pm
Thanks for reading, and good luck out there this Pisces season! It’s almost spring!
𝒞 🩷
My fav piece I wrote this past month:
And the previous astro season newsletter: