songs on 'hit me hard and soft' ranked sapphically

been tryin' hard not to overeat

May 25, 2024

In case you haven’t heard, Billie Eilish’s new album, HIT ME HARD AND SOFT, is pretty gay! Some of the songs are more sapphic than others though, so I ranked them. Pull up a chair and put up your hair.

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10. “THE DINER”

My least favorite song on the album is also the least gay, and I don’t think those things are unrelated. “I could change your life / you could be my wife” would be gay, but the context — a stalker’s point of view — is not. Be gay, do crime does not include stalking. This song also doesn’t fit as well on the album thematically — it zooms out from the focus on herself and her past and present lovers to an outside person’s perspective, and I think that detracts from the album a little. Another thing I don’t like about the album as a whole that’s especially noticeable in this song is how rhymey it is. I like when lyrics rhyme, of course, but as I listened through the album the first time I was thinking that there’s too much rhyming in a way that doesn’t work somehow. I will say though that “THE DINER” does fit musically with the rest of the songs. Also, I like how the beat comes in, and the song feels like a fun throwback to some of her older music.

9. “CHIHIRO”

I’ve read about why many fans see this song as having queer themes — the Spirited Away references, the repeated line “open up the door” possibly referring to the closet — which, like, sure. I’m not necessarily disagreeing, I just think this one is far less sapphic than the rest. “They told me they were only curious / now it’s serious” is gay though. Lesbians could trademark accidentally catching feelings. Or at least I could. “CHIHIRO” has an underwater feel to it that I’m into. I’m a fan of the beat and the bass on this one, and I like the way the hypnotic synth part fades in, both in the middle and again at the end of the song.

8. “BLUE”

What a good album closer! The lyrical references to the rest of the songs really tie them all together and give them more context. The lyrics to “BLUE” seem to suggest a lot of the songs could be about just one person — one woman (gay!). “I’d like to mean it when I say I’m over you” - oof! It would be so nice if getting over someone were a linear process. I kind of feel like it should be, you know? Anyway, what’s that about “True Blue,” the hit song by fellow queer Grammy winners? Gay. I don’t like part two of this song as much, but I can appreciate what she says about older versions of herself coming together with her present self in this song. “But when can I hear the next one?” Ha ha, yeah okay, we get it. But, like, since you brought it up… when can we though?

7. “BITTERSUITE”

“I can’t fall in love with you / no matter how bad I want to” - this is either a situation or a situationship, and either way it’s some sapphic content. I like the line “I see the way you want me / I wanna be the one” for the tension it adds to the dynamic; Billie wants her and knows it’s mutual, but there’s some unspoken reason the two can’t be together. It seems like the woman she’s interested in knows why. That isn’t stopping her from fantasizing though, from expressing her desire: “Just want you to touch me … I want you to keep on doing it.” What’s the harm in yearning? I know I’m not the first to point this out, but that middle, bossa nova section sounds like a Wii menu screen. On which note, the fact that this is one of several songs with at least two distinct parts — “BITTERSUITE” actually has three — makes me think she should’ve separated and fleshed out some of those parts more. This album could’ve been more than a brisk ten songs long, in my opinion!

6. “THE GREATEST”

“Man, am I the greatest?” It sounds like it! I can really relate to the feelings she’s expressing in this song: “I’m trying my best / to keep you satisfied / let you get your rest / while I stay up all night;” “All my love and patience / unappreciated.” I used to have more of a pattern of self-sacrificing and of giving and giving in friendships and relationships. The past few years, though, I’ve continually sought out reciprocity and I’m grateful to have found it, more often than not. But that line, “just wanted what I gave you,” and the way she belts it out — I feel that. “All the times I waited / for you to want me naked” hits so hard for me too, and that’s such a vulnerable feeling. It’s easy to compare this song to “Happier Than Ever” from her last album: they’re both breakup songs that start softly with just Billie’s voice over sparse instrumentation, and then build up to become full-on bangers with a cathartic, emotional release. In “Happier Than Ever,” she’s enraged and resentful though; here in “THE GREATEST,” she’s dejected and disappointed because her devotion was unmatched by her ex. The way she turns that refrain around at the end of the song — “you could’ve been the greatest” — over that minor chord feels heartbreaking. She might’ve “made it all look painless,” but the relationship was clearly anything but.

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5. “WILDFLOWER”

“She was crying on my shoulder / all I could do was hold her” - a straight girl would not write this line. Now Billie sees her, “in the back of [her] mind, all the time.” Having her mind on women and women on her mind is very gay. The context, however, seems to be more out of guilt than desire. The lyrics to “WILDFLOWER” describe her comforting this woman after a breakup, before she goes and starts dating that woman’s ex. “Did I cross the line?” she asks, and I think the answer is a solid probably! I’m a little more pro-messiness than the average person, but I still have the self-awareness to give a situation a lot of thought and recognize why and how a choice might have consequences. (Billie clearly has this self-awareness too.) It’s just that, having considered the consequences, I think I make the choice that may lead to a little more mess, a little more often than many people would. I can own that, and I do! I can admit that when a decision feels “like a fever, like I’m burning alive, like a sign,” there is a lesson to be learned. I can also push back on judgment by asking Would you really have acted differently in my position? In the situation that Billie sings about here, arguably the right advice to give would’ve been that she should not get with this girl’s ex. But how many of us actually wouldn’t? It’s easy to feel morally superior when it’s not you who’s consumed by desire, and who’s weighing the concrete likelihood of pleasure and connection against the abstract potential for hurt — yours or someone else’s. “I should put it all behind me, shouldn’t I?” Hindsight turns a choice into a mistake, and it turns getting with an ex — yours or someone else’s — into a line that you crossed.

4. “SKINNY”

Is that a sad song with a dog motif I hear? That’s pretty gay! This is the album opener, and the first lyrics we hear are “Fell in love for the first time / with a friend, it’s a good sign.” We know right from the start that there’s something WLW going on. Or at least the WLW know this, and many of us have shared that experience. I myself have! In this track, Billie writes about insecurities around her appearance, being in the spotlight, getting older, and a previous relationship. “And I still cry / cry / and you know why” - sadness is one of the primary emotions expressed through these songs. Most are in a minor key, there’s several mentions of crying throughout, and the album cover — and the name of the last song — is blue. There’s an intimacy to that sadness too; she’s singing to a “you,” which feels more personal. The strings are gorgeous here at the end of the song, and across the rest of the album too. I like how in the outro to “SKINNY,” the strings introduce the melody Billie sings later on in the powerful bridge in “THE GREATEST,” and how that creates a contrast between the way the melody is presented in each song. Then there’s a segue into “LUNCH,” and she loves a segue! There’s almost another from “BITTERSUITE” into “BLUE” at the end of the album, and there are several on her other albums. Something that stands out in that regard is that HIT ME HARD AND SOFT is more cohesive as a whole than many of the songs on it are individually. The album is a sum of its parts, some of which are more fragmented than songs on her previous ones. Those parts come together to create an excellent record that reflects on, among others, one of my favorite topics: liking women.

3. “L’AMOUR DE MA VIE”

This song is brutal! “I need to confess, I told you a lie / I said you, you were the love of my life” - so cold! Billie is a total ice queen here, wishing her ex “the best for the rest of [her] life.” I personally can’t really relate to that sentiment because I’m such a the door’s open kind of girl. Has this gotten me into trouble? Many times! Have I learned and started closing myself off to people from my past? Not as much as my friends want me to! “My stomach upset almost all of the time” - tummyaches are queer girl culture, whether we like it or not (we don’t). She calls out her ex for moving on — “immediately”! — and then part two of the song comes pounding in with a fast beat, some sparkly, ‘80s-sounding synth, and her auto-tuned vocals on top. Out of the several, multi-part songs on this album, I think “L’AMOUR DE MA VIE” is where that works best. “You were so mediocre / and we’re so glad it’s over now” - this hits hard! “It’s such a pity / we’re both so pretty” - this might not map onto what Billie was actually writing about here, but I hear these lyrics like It’s a shame you’re not with me anymore because you know we looked so good together. Dramatically saying you’re over someone and being a little too mean about it, in a way that probably makes your friends question just how over them you really are — been there! That’s almost as gay as…

2. “BIRDS OF A FEATHER”

… over-the-top declarations of (queer) love! Here’s a song that hits soft. It’s breezy and sweet — almost saccharine. It’s also her most capital-P Pop song on the album. “I want you to stay / ‘til I’m in the grave / ‘til I rot away, dead and buried / ‘til I’m in the casket you carry” - what a beautiful start to a love song! But seriously, carry my casket, baby just feels so queer-coded to me. And “birds of a feather”? Obviously gay. I love the line “but if it’s forever / it’s even better.” It’s just so tender! This whole song is, really: “Nothin’ left to lose without my baby;” “I want you to see / how you look to me;” and of course, “I’ll love you ‘til the day that I die.” I hear these lines and they make me want a partner. Do I want one now? Maybe I want one now! “BIRDS OF A FEATHER” has a lightness to it that almost feels out of place on this album. It’s not, though, because where is gay love ever out of place? “Say you don’t see it, your mind’s polluted / say you wanna quit, don’t be stupid” - this woman seems to have trouble accepting that she’s feeling the same way Billie is. “Polluted,” to me, implies something like internalized homophobia or comphet. Quick, someone send her The Masterdoc! In addition to being one of the gayest songs on this album, it’s also one of my favorites. It isn’t as experimental as the rest of HIT ME HARD AND SOFT. Between the sadder songs and heavier themes, however, it’s refreshing to hear such a good, girl-on-girlypop bop.

1. “LUNCH”

“You need a seat? I’ll volunteer.” This is, without a doubt, the gayest song on the album. It’s also my favorite track, and again, those things are definitely related. I included this song as a fav in my Taurus season newsletter this past week. I love how bold and explicit it is, and how horny as well. “I could eat that girl for lunch” - the only ethical consumption, etc etc. “Yeah, she dances on my tongue” - hot! “Tastes like she might be the one” - she is so real for this. The line, “I could buy her so much stuff,” feels very sapphic too. And then she does! “Said, ‘I bought you somethin’ rare’” - cute! What did she get her! This song is sexy from start to finish: the bassline sounds a little raunchy, her vocals are confident and flirty, and some sensual gasps accompany the beat at the end. This is an excellent addition to the canon of queer songs about going down on someone. And “LUNCH” is the energy one should bring to eating someone out — shoutout to Billie for setting the standard. Lunch is officially the queerest meal of the day now. Obviously, dykes collectively have much bigger needs than mere representation, but it’s still significant that one of the biggest pop girlies put out a pussy-eating anthem on an undeniably sapphic album. Like, “I just wanna get her off”? In a song that has almost 68 million plays after only a week on Spotify? We used to pray for times like this. Now, if you’ll forgive me because this is too easy — my two-word review of “LUNCH”: she ate.