into the feeling

#29: sagittarius season (2025)

Dec 21, 2025

Hi, happy Dykecember and happy solstice! This post has some reflections and faves from this past year. I’m planning on changing things up and writing these astrology season pieces quarterly for the solstices and equinoxes instead of monthly. Capricorn season and winter have started today, and you can find some of this winter’s upcoming astrology at the end of this newsletter.

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Something that stood out as I looked back through my journals from this year was how much I wanted, how much wanting I did. In the couple of sentences I write about each day in my bullet journal, there are so many hopeful and exasperated instances of “I want.” If you’re my friend, prepare for me to ask what you wanted in 2025 (or just go ahead and text me about it!) because I think it’s an interesting way to measure a year. Here are some things that I wanted — another year(ning) in review:

To have more time for reading, writing, and resting

To have the last word

To know what perfume she wears so I could wear it myself and think of her

To feel better, feel okay, feel different, feel less

To feel wanted

To go back to school, for all of five minutes until I learned what I was considering is a three-year doctorate program and not just some night school classes

To move to a different state, for all of five minutes until I thought about how expensive it would be and how I don’t want to leave yet anyway

Answers

Closure

Forgiveness

To be better at letting go

To get closer with my new friends and stay close with my old friends

For my friends to be safe, happy, and well; for them to get that job, get laid, get a break

For my friends to come to the first birthday gathering I had in over a decade

For nothing to change that I don’t want changing

For my body and brain to be able to do more

To find meds that help with the new symptoms

To have a reason to write a love letter

To be more femme

To lez out more

To be helpful

To get an electric guitar and to try playing sax

More dating app matches

A reciprocated crush

To go to some good parties

To go for some good walks

To cook some good meals and share them

To flirt more

To shoot my shot

To start a fight

A little more drama to liven things up

To learn some simple clothes mending skills

To stay sober another year

To find a new AA meeting I like

To get a new sponsor

Some time laying in the sun

Some time out at the river

To go to more movies alone

To get texts back

To not lose any more friends

To figure out why I’m attracted to unavailability (and try to change that)

To not be distant and unavailable myself

To make progress on my secret project

To try writing some fiction

For work to pick back up

For rent to not go up

For the weather to warm up, then cool down, then warm up again

To get off the damn phone

To get off

To come back down

To be able to cry more

To start feeling like myself again

I want a lot of these things from year to year, and many of them happened for me this year. A lot of them didn’t though, or didn’t happen in the way I wanted. But real yearners know that getting what you want isn’t always part of the plan.

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Some faves from the year:

Fiction: Valencia - Michelle Tea | Immaculate Conception - Ling Ling Huang | Blue Ridge Calling - Olivia Neal (read my friend’s book!)

Nonfiction: One Day, Everyone Will Have Always Been Against This - Omar El Akkad | The Persistent Desire: A Femme-Butch Reader - edited by Joan Nestle | Trying - Chloé Caldwell

TV shows: Dying for Sex and Heated Rivalry

Top artists according to Spotify: SZA, MUNA, UMI, and SASAMI

Most played song: “Feeling” - Billie Marten

Fave albums: Blood On the Silver Screen - SASAMI | Gun - Boyish | The Art of Loving - Olivia Dean

Fave lesbian songs: “The Subway” - Chappell Roan | “fem-onomics” - BAYLI | “Ankles” - Lucy Dacus

Song of the summer: “Dust Bowl” - Ethel Cain (mostly serious about this)

Fave guitar solo to play: “Leap Year” - Billie Marten

Fave side quest: learning card magic tricks

Favorite date: